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Chronicle of the NonPop Revolution


 
The Essay
Show #49
Failed Concept and Fundraising Day
David Gunn
Today on Failed Concept Day, or "pan modge a crean," I will attempt to put the last 48 episodes of Kalvos & Damian's New Music Sesquihour into a perspective which even the most consummately addled listener can grasp. With failure all but assured, I shall select key phrases from past sesquintroductions and string them together in a format which recalls the worst plucked parts of the crow -- the sequence of which is the converse of molecular homogenization. For example, by turning the electronic calendar back to episode 13, an August afternoon of otherwise little import, we read of best wishes being extended from the Federal Communications Commission, a failed concept at best and a non-sesquitur at worst. A month later at the height of the Autumnal Sesquinox, the word "rummage" was temporarily banned from the local radiophonic airwaves, and still glaring inconsistencies filled the text from the sesquintro of episode 18. Institutionalized research assistants had no explanation, since most had fallen asleep during the previous week's interview segment and had neglected to re-awaken. The V-chip was briefly mentioned on episode 44, a radio show that remains functionally disenfranchised to this day for obvious reasons, and the silent listener response remains a failure to which we offer our sincere apoplexy. Now that I think of it, so suddenly overwhelmed am I with these past episodic failures that I just now decided not to attempt a retrospective after all. Tune in another time for the grand sesquintroduction perspective, which might occur when I'm feeling more charitable.

Still, the taste of Failed Concept Day lingers in my favorite orifice, and I would be remiss not to mention the failures associated with today in history, such as the Chernobyl Nuclear Agricultural Enclave in 1984, Ferdinand Magellan in 1521, who failed to watch his back while brawling with an irate band of Mactan Islanders, and the spunky little kingdom of Togo which, after being granted independence 36 years ago, promptly failed to establish a world class skiing industry.

Failure is, we hope, not a concept which will extend to today's mission of guilt which we hope to lay on you, our faithful listening audient, during the first-ever Kalvos & Damian New Music FM Fundraiser. Our show, laden as always with prizes galore, is this week also laced with sneaky deceptions to trick you into handing over your well-worn cash to us, your humble radiophonic hosts, so that we can buy our station manager a late model electronic chair, a small request in this age of computer chicanery and ebullient illiteracy.

So pick up the telephone right now -- the receiver part, anyway -- and call us at the sesquistudio. Tell us about yourself, why you're in this and not a parallel universe, who you'd like to utterly ruin if you had the opportunity, where you park when you drive to Omaha, what color your purse or wallet is, and if those extra greenbacks in there would be so sorely missed if they were stuffed in an envelope and sent to us at an address which will shortly appear on your radio dial. The hard part, this essay, is nearly over. The easy part, the purging of radiophonic guilt, follows directly. Here's somebody else to divulge that number to call.